Attention

Paying attention is the hardest thing in the world.

Paying.

Attention.

It’s transactional.

You tell yourself: pay attention to this. The subject at hand. This story. This assignment. This person. But you can’t.

You bargain with yourself: pay attention now. I’ll let you zone out later. Just focus. Do what you must. Do the thing that you have to do. The thing that’s good for you. The thing that you know will make you feel happy about yourself, in a half hour’s time. The thing that will make you feel shitty and pathetic if you don’t.

But you won’t.

Will you?

OK – time to exercise! I really wish yoga hadn’t been canceled today.

UPDATE – I worked out. 30 minutes of 90×3, right here in my bedroom. And I feel amazing. Why was it so difficult?

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