I was sober tonight.
Well, by sober, I mean I had two drinks.
I feel sober, right now, at 3:48AM. Despite the two drinks.
The first drink was a tequila shot in Sam’s kitchen at 11:20PM.
The second was a Long Island Ice Tea. 12:42AM. A treat from Rhea, at Escobar.
I swallowed both drinks. I imbibed them. But I’d like to think they didn’t really make a difference to my overall outlook on the evening.
And I’m proud of that.
At this time on a Saturday night, I’d usually be asleep, or a trainwreck.
Either way, I’d be happy.
If I were asleep, I’d be content.
If I were trainwrecked, my consciousness wouldn’t be in charge. I’d be operating. I’d be fine. But I wouldn’t be logical. I’d be chilling. Spontaneous. In control — but the subconscious me would be running the show.
And I like the subconscious me.
The truth is, I’m not as happy, right now, at 3:55AM, as I would be if I were trainwrecked, or asleep.
I’m not chilling.
I’m sleepy, but I’m aware. Sober. Conscious. Present.
The subconscious me isn’t in charge.
And it feels good. To feel this sharp, this late.
My challenge is: how do I integrate both ‘me’s — the responsible one, and the fun one. All the time. Without help from anyone or anything.
That’s my challenge.